thinking and wondering

since yesterday im reflecting back what i had done and keep thinking da same question over and over again...=.= am i reali so irritating u guys?! i wondering why for day and nite....after i woke up da same question on my mind again~ *gosh*
i do care what and how u feel after all! just u dun realize...hmmm~ *lee* but nt *lim* i do care seriously althought at first i thought i wont! im keep wondering why i already step out da 1st step, putting things down and request to do anything that involve in-group along with u guys...why u all just ignore me?! even a sick ppl u all will ask to go along...i mention before im broke but i do hope u all will ask me...even just a request im happy about it...da 'extra' feel reali irritated me! i was shocked when i found out u all went out and even pretend nth happen the next day! dat's hurt for real...yet im still asking for u all participance along for activities...i reali dont understand why things turn become like dat...im CONFUSING! maybe im too sensitive..i had da feeling of more and more in-group member hate me....ok what i had done before may hurt u seriously but im a victim too....everytime u feel sad every ppl care for u...but how do i?! i neo i gt mine man but what i want is from u all! a single concern from u all are none...NONE....
we live under a roof but just like stranger...i do miss da past time we used to concern each other...guess what...i reali had da feeling of moving out...is just i think da prob will be solve by time...i try to put a smile on my face when facing u guys....im trying hard...and da results...i reali have no idea~ *sigh* i just wan a simple concern...it will make me happy for a day! im reali hurt when u all did something behind me and is so obvious on da msn...(i can read k) and just pretend to be nth on da next day... i neo u all are scare of me but i already put myself down...pretend to be happy and nth infront of u all...y the effect stil da same?! as i said i ignore what u both did infront of me...but dat is da way to make myself feel happy... am i wrong indeed of this?! honestly da result reali dissapointed me...im nt being rude but ignore reali make me feel better...im a victim too... who ever feel be in mine shoes and feel what's mine feeling?! i try and try and try...im tired...im reali tired and sick of it....
i neo u all will read it...mayb will feel im childish or what...just want to say i miss da old time and im still trying hard to solve dis prob...i dont wanna lose frens...
i will still put mine smile on...just~ i dunno~ =)
dat's all ler...=)