love Vs hatred

sounds funny rite? i love my man but at the same time i hate him...i didn't meant to hurt him but im just release my deppest inner voice after a long silent...we keep quarrel over and over again just because of the same issue....*sigh* im lost again and da way i choose is ignoring and avoiding to protect myself...is that a good way? i realli no idea bout that....u said im hurting u but so do i?! =) i born to be so cincai and ur not... our characteristics have a big differ... i feel ur over controlling me and u feel im let u have too much freedom....i try to please everyone around me but why the feedback i get always putting me down?! u r important for me and my friends too....i only get to c them after a long period... u said u tl their characteristic and i mix v them, u tl to their style then i get angry then ur mood being affected...i wanna say a big sorry to u because i mix v them...however...they r reali mine best buddies and we are pure as mineral water....i swear....u mix around v gangs include ur ex-kt in the group and i dont mind...i just wanna let u have more freedom and i wish i get the same too....wat u promise me to change ur selfishness and do u reali change it? i asked ur permission to go out v them and when the day i went out v them ur nt happy and we quarrel again....=) u make me reali lost....i dunno wat u reali want... sometimes i feel myself reali useless because i dont have lots friends yet ur controlling over me and make me feel suffer...i dont dare to talk to u straightly because i dun wan u get hurt... my mood swing lots between these 5 days...when first bac to pg im reali very happi but today i cry like shit! in a long term i will get psychological prob for sure.... i neo my frens are useless in ur point of view but they are my frens...no matter how they become they still my best buddies.... u r mine man and no matter how u change i stil love u....just....some of ur attitude reali reali reali reali makes me hate u....i reali had no idea which gang of mine frens u like?! honestly, i feel that ur gang of frens they are reali nice and have a higher level compare to mine gang...they are rich! yeah~ they reali are....=) im just from a middle income family....they are so high class and makes me sometimes feel ashame of myself when compare v them....seriously....i guess i never told u dat...=) my gang although they are nt rich but at least when im v them i feel that we are equal.... i feel my existence....i gt no money to buy branded clothes...bags...accessories...=) im nt affortable! im happy mixing in ur gang of friends and also mine....y aren't u understand me? im so confusing...reali confused....@.@ u makes me feel im a bird in the cage that dun have the freedom...who am i mix v, how my dress code, who am i interact with *especially guy*, ur super sensitive! u said u worry i get tackle by others, but...am i? if they reali have the intense of tackling me....my heart oni got u! neeway...u believe it or not is up to u....i guess i told u this sentence over thousand of times before....=) and u still not trust me...im reali hate when u said im easy to get cheated...even i bought some things from the shop,u said that to me! u dont trust ppl around u but y should u pull me inside? i know who should be trust and who should nt.... although i looks young....im 21 k! im nt ur little kids! i neo ur protecting me....but do u ever think of mine feeling? it makes me feel im a looser! =] *sigh* i reali have no idea what im writting d.... the longer u write i more i wil complaint towards u and the more u canot accept when reading it...=) sometimes is not i dont want tell u directly but i reali scare of hurting u! since u had so many stress recently, i reali swallow everything inside myself....i broke down today and cry because i cant stand it anymore....quarrel makes me very down and i neo when im down u will be affected...=) i apologize to every words i spoke or written here that hurt u..it is just a piece of mine inner voice... im sorry and i love my man!